Redefining Success, on Your Own Terms
Success has an incredibly odd meaning which morphs based on whomever is using it and in whichever context. Conceptually, “success” carries weight, expectation, and sometimes, pressure. Everyone is searching for it yet few can truly define it for themselves. Can you define it for yourself? Go ahead, I’ll wait…
We are subtly – and sometimes not so subtly – taught what success should look like from a young age. Perhaps it’s achieving a certain degree, entering a particular profession, or earning a specific amount of money. For others, it can be the picture-perfect family, or the open accolades affirming that you’ve “made it.” But what happens when that version of success doesn’t align with the soul of who you are or what you truly want from life? What if, instead of climbing a predetermined ladder, you choose to build your own? If we step away from the predetermined ladder, does it mean we have failed?
The most powerful thing I’ve ever done is to redefine success – on my own terms.
Why? Because if you’re like me, you’ve also struggled through seasons in which you defined success based on someone else’s terms, and not your own, leaving you frustrated and empty. Quite frankly, it’s long past time to flip that narrative.
Success isn’t about fitting into a mold. It’s about creating a life that aligns with your values, passions, and purpose.
I admit that I’m still defining my values, passions and purpose. This is because these areas shift for me based on the season of life. Right now, I value my time more than ever. I don’t have time for excess meetings or unfruitful conversation because there are a number of other items which require my time and I need to budget accordingly. In a less busy season of life, I’m more likely to casually catch up or luxuriate over a 2 hour coffee with a friend.
The Biggest Myth: Success is One Size Fits All
Success is deeply personal.
Society has long dictated what success should be, and that definition is largely based on trends. Social media plays a huge role in this, dynamically shifting the definition just enough at just the right intervals to be perpetually unattainable. We also see the impacts of this definition shift in corporate America, which uses promotions and titles as the ultimate markers of achievement. We can see it in entrepreneurship, which defines success based on revenue and growth. We also see it in social media, with success based on the number of followers and reach. Even in our personal lives, success is often linked to traditional milestones like marriage, children, or homeownership.
Reality Check: Success is deeply personal. What fulfills one person may not fulfill another, and if you chase someone’s else’s definition of success, you will invariably end up frustrated, empty, and inauthentic to yourself.
So, what do we do about this? How do we redefine success in our own right – success that is authentic, fulfilling, and sustainable?
Step 1: Redefine Success, then Own It.
Before you can redefine success, you need to know what it you truly believe it is in the first place. Without consideration of a specific profession, ask yourself these 4-ish questions:
- What brings me the most joy and fulfillment? What could I do all day without getting bored?
- What kind of impact do I want to make in the world? Where do I want to make a difference?
- What are my “non-negotiables” or “must-haves” in life? Is it freedom of choice/schedule flexibility, service, or something else? What values do I want my life and work to reflect?
- How do I want to feel when I reflect on life’s journey? What legacy do I need to leave?
Perhaps you define success by freedom (flexibility of schedule), health (time and space to focus on wellness activities), or financial gain (no constraints involving money). It might be about impact (helping or teaching others), making a difference in your community, or finally achieving homeostasis around your career and family life.
Whatever it is, own it. There is no wrong answer.
Let’s start, now.
Grab a sheet of paper or open your notes app. Complete the following statements, with as robust or short of an answer as you think is right for you. Remember – don’t respond based on your current profession. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Success is…
Success is not…
I will know I am successful when…/ I feel successful when…
Reminder: there is no wrong answer. Plus, you can take as long as you need to come up with the best answer for you in this season of life…not the “right” answer…the BEST answer for YOU.
Step 2: Break the Mold, and Embrace Your True Path
Once you define success on your terms, you may determine that it doesn’t align with the “norm” that society or your family has set for you. If you’re truly being honest with yourself, it may not even align with your original plans and goals. This is okay, and it only means you’re on the right track toward your own TRUE success. You have the opportunity and the power to rewrite success for yourself.
Take a moment to reflect:
- Have you ever shied away from mentioning an achievement because it didn’t fit the mold or career path you’re currently traveling?
- Have you ever been pressured to follow a life/career plan that you knew wasn’t right for you?
- Have you ever pressured yourself to follow a life/career plan, even though you knew it wasn’t a good fit for you?
- Have you ever prioritized personal happiness over career advancement, and couldn’t shake the resulting sense of guilt?
If yes to any of these, you’re not alone. We all struggle with unrealistic or unfair expectations that we’ve internalized over time. In particular, we’ve dealt with perceived threat of embarrassment by mentioning a personal achievement in our work space, or vice versa.
STORY TIME!
This is relevant to an achievement that didn’t fit my career path.
Flashback to 2008. Equipped with my graduate degree, I was working as a management consultant, tasked with writing a process guide for a major public health agency. I had been in this role for approximately a year when I decided – in my spare time – to compete in my first pageant, simply for fun. I didn’t expect to win. Yes, friends, a beauty pageant. I spent 3 months in intense fitness and disciplined nutrition to prep for competition. I kept it all under wraps, blaming my tightening physique on “just doing better by my health.” However, the prep work paid off. To my shock and surprise, I won the crown and found myself completely perplexed with what to do. I mean, what does a titleholder do every day? Is there a salary? Would I need to quit my job or take a leave of absence? Would I even tell my job? Would my colleagues think less of my competence based on the fact that I now held this title? Maybe I could just give the crown to the first runner up…I can’t do this. Or can I? Should I?
Much to my surprise, telling my job went better than expected. My mentor was the first to find out and she was absolutely thrilled to learn that she was now the mentor for Mrs. Georgia America. She made it her personal plight (with my permission of course) to share the news with the entire company and with the client. Everyone was thrilled. My company even sponsored a portion of my fees for the national competition in Tucson, AZ.
Granted, this is a success story and there are many, MANY cases when your work colleagues would not be thrilled about your personal success. This experience taught me, however, that your personal achievements are just as important as professional achievements – whether you choose to share them or not. The most important thing is to acknowledge these achievements as a legitimate part of your success story.
News flash for us all: YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU. YOU GET TO DECIDE WHICH PATH YOU CHASE. And once you redefine success, you get to choose how you will end up at your real end goals – the ones determined by the success that you seek.
Grab that notes app again!
Think about a moment when your definition of success didn’t align with societal norms, family expectations, or even your own plans.
- How did that moment feel? Did you hesitate to embrace your achievement, or did you shift focus elsewhere to minimize the achievement?
- How did you navigate that experience and what did it teach you about your own view of success?
- What unproductive thoughts prevented you from owning your success?
- If you could give advice to your past self in that moment, what would you say?
- In what ways did you experience even the tiniest bit of success, regardless of whether you acknowledged it?
That’s all for this week…we will pick up with Step 3 next week. In the meantime, stay seasoned!
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